Note to Self

I have nothing interesting to say but I will say this much: I really like having both shift keys. When you lose a shift key it's like that awful 80s hairmetal song about not knowing what you got 'til it's gone. Actually, that is just an expression said hairmetal song utilized in their lyrics but whatever I'm not deleting it. I am incredibly bored tonight as I am usually out on Fridays. Saves some money I guess, and I loves saving some money.

Note to self: Do not get beaten up and avoid 350 dollar hospital bill.

fat chicks

im back to da blog baby and im back with style!!! No more self-aware lamenting, no more dog penis or women hating, well maybe some women hating, but definitely no more dog penis!!!

so i went out last night and ended up making out with/grinding with some overweight girl. i had plenty of drink in me, and my judgement was jjjjust blurred enough for me to enjoy the first few minutes of this. then it hit me: this girl is overweight and im sticking my tongue down her throat. if i wasn't careful, my tongue could disappear down the same abyss that so many foodstuffs had. i had to get out of there. but in my non-sobriety i felt a twinge of guilt and felt bad. "im the best looking guy this girl has ever danced with, leaving abruptly will ruin her life!" this was almost certainly not true, but i had a few drinks and i guess got a little too empathetic ( -em). i stayed out on that stupid dance floor for another 15 minutes.

god, if that girl was eager enough to make out me think of all the dudes balls shes tongued. and we made out ugh i think might be gay now. i specifically sought to avoid a) a hangover and b) a situation like this. at least my head doesnt hurt. even though i was only "past the point of no return" for a few minutes look what happened. and this is why you never drink to excess.

Was Jack Daniels (the liquor distiller) gay?

Lifelong bachelor, "some say there were seven women in his life," yeah right. I say there were seven women he went to social events with so as not to appear like the flaming fairy he was. Anyways... I really wish I could force myself to read a book. I can't, so I won't. I've already forced myself to stop doing an annoying habit and forced myself to relish and do cardio everytime I go to the gym. Now I gotta get on the ball with this book thing. Luckily the internet has become extremely boring, so that's a good sign. I'm going to read Economics in One Lesson by Henry Hazlitt, because I haven't an inkling on how economics work. After that hopefully I'll find some other literature, maybe some Nabokov.

Leslie Nielson is dead

Kind of sad but he was old. Still it's a shame people go out and watch gutter trash like The Hangover and think that's comedy. No one is even reading this, are they? Well anyways I like to do this to keep up my typing. On message boards and facebook I do the old "no grammar or punctuation" to make people think I just don't give a fuck! I really do though they're like my only avenue of social interaction besides the odd monthly call/text from a friend to go out. If anyone does read this get Netflix and search or google MST3K. A terrific show... See what I just did? In order to distinguish the search on Netflix from the search on the internet I used the term 'google.' I hate that but I begrudgingly respect the Google corporate monster. Gotta get up early (10am) for my exciting (boring) job at UPS that pays really well (it doesn't it sucks.) I should write for Leno.

Jungle 2 Jungle 2: Back 2 Tha Jungle

helllloooo again. I'm sticking to this blog stuff. It's like a vent process that everyone can see, but don't because other than a facebook link there's no way to access it. And don't tell me I'm the only guy who completely avoids other people's profiles. I do like to read my own though, and think about what other people must think when they read it. I bet they're really impressed. Anyways I thought this post should be about my gym philosophy. Talk the talk but don't walk the walk. I probably went to the gym maybe 4 times a week before my UBS job. I worked out hard while I was there, but 4 days a week is unacceptable for someone who talks as much shit as I do. Now I'll start going maybe twice a week, which is beyond pathetic. I won't get fat though, my metabolism is still decent and I play hockey twice a week. I'm a lot more attractive when my bodyfat percentage is low though, so ugly Bill isn't going anywhere. I'm not talking about my abs when I say that, I mean my face. Nobody looks good with a fat face. But enough complaining, here's my review of the hit classic "A Bug's Life:" Don't see it, I don't know what those things in this movie are supposed to be but they're not bugs. They have faces, can talk, and have souls. All I can think about when I watch it is how many of them I've massacred inadvertently in my life. God make these visions go away. Scatman of the week: Scatman John.

Self importance + ignorance = this blog?

Day 75 of the job hunt is going very well. I have yet to apply for any position of any worth and my job at UPS is going very well (boring.) It also pays very well at 9.50 an hour. A quick look at employment figures tells you there are many people in my position. I have the advantage of having sad saps for parents who put up with the fact that I am all but worthless. This enables me to cut food expenses and I have zilch rent. That being said I can't help but wonder how people with actual bills to pay put up with this. All I have to do is pay car insurance and now my student loans, which are not much thanks again to said sap parents. I regret not getting up for my interview in Boston with a canvassing company. Sure canvassing is like pulling teeth but I'd be up and about and getting experience doing real things. I think it was Barack Obama who said, "It's the ship that made the Kessel
Run in less than five parsecs." I'll leave you with that. Underrated Song of the week: Siouxsie and the Banshees - Cities in Dust